I was incredibly humbled and proud to win the prestigious “RunUltra Overall Global Blogger Award 2018” and to retain the “RunUltra UK Blogger Award 2018“.
With this being a global Awards, a total of 105 bloggers were selected, then 64 shortlisted. To then be selected as the winner from over 7,900 votes cast, I was incredibly grateful to my amazing readers, Rochdale Harriers and network of supportive people who influence and inspire me in some way. Thanks so much to every single one of you! To call the final 24 hours of voting nail-biting is an understatement. It became like a tight finish of an ultra itself – with the lead swapping places constantly until the final hour! This was the message received from the RunUltra team after the integrity of the votes had been verified:
Congratulations! You are the winner of the overall RunUltra 2018 Blogger Award and also the UK 2018 Blogger Award.
The quality of the blogs this year has been extremely high.
We enjoyed reading your blog and we wish you a very successful ultra running year.
The prize for winning the overall global award is a Suunto Spartan Ultra Titanium HR. An incredible bonus and my first genuinely smart training watch with HR. This is set to open up a whole new area of training and improvement for me in 2018 and beyond. Let’s see how progress goes 
For details of all the regional winners, plus the finalists please click here. Please read and follow their blogs too – there are amazing stories, advice and general experiences to enjoy!
All the best for 2018 and thank you once again for all your support and positive feedback on the blog posts
“Ignore it, it will pass…” “This tendonitis is getting worse!” “Not cramping again?!”
These are all inner thoughts most of us runners will have had. Your instinct is to resist the pain. To fight it. Surely that will make it go yes?
Another technique is to try to ignore it by focusing on something else. That may be your running form, the landscape, the sound of your feet touching the trails. It’s all resistance in another form.
Well earned rest cresting Rooley Moor Road
“What is he getting at?” you might ask
Well I’ve found myself doing all of the above for years and, for me, none of it has ever worked. Instead, it has cost me energy, draining me of valuable stamina and efficiency I need to run. But it’s all I’ve ever known. That was until a June this year…
For a few years I’ve been using the Headspace app for meditating. It’s been a revelation in many ways. More than anything it’s developed my ability to take even a few seconds out and just ‘be’ – emptying my mind of any rushing thoughts by simply relaxing and focusing on my breathing. So what has that got to do with pain? Well here is my attempted and probably quite poor explanation.
Fronting up to pain
Through the Headspace pain pack, I learned the technique of actually focusing on the pain. Literally focusing on the very outer edges, then gradually getting closer to the central point of where it is coming from. Ultimately you put all your focus into the very heart of the pain itself. I learned that when you get there, it is not one tangible thing. It shifts and consists of so many elements. It’s no longer possible to feel it in the same way. In fact it seems to disperse – a total paradox to my way of previous thinking.
You might be wondering how you could use a meditation technique when in the process of running. I can only give you my own experience: I had an ongoing niggle in my right knee and right calf. When running the trails, movement would become ever more restricted and result in me struggling to run. Each time I was wishing it would go away – resisting it. On learning the new technique of focusing ON the pain, I gave it a try when running some local trails. As soon as the knee pain in particular kicked in and my movement started to be affected, rather than try to fight it, I actually started to focus in on it. Taking my mind gradually from the outer edges of the knee pain, right into the very heart of where it had been really hurting. I found that there was nothing there to tangibly hang on to, or to resist. The pain quite literally seemed to disperse like a fading ripple into my lower and upper right leg. My mind was immediately more rested, as was my body. My running form returned to something more (ahem) efficient. My trail run and the resultant benefits became more enjoyable and effective. My head was back in the pleasure of running trails.
None of this means the pain didn’t occasionally return. But I now had a way to manage it – fronting up in a relaxed and very calm manner. This approach has been a major boost to helping me along the #Run1000Miles challenge 2017.
If you’re interested, you can read far more about this approach. Experts like @MeganJonesBell can explain pain management far better than I ever could. What I hope to have achieved with this post is making you aware of an alternative approach to our instinctive response to resist the pain. Instead try fronting it up and see if it benefits you as much as me
Yours in sport
Jeff
I heard one of the marshals shout something like “over here…stomach!” and was then asked if I was okay and kindly given water by the first aid.
Physically, I knew I’d made the right decision – I still felt exhausted and feverish an hour later. Mentally it was a different story…
…I’ve read so many times that a DNF (Did Not Finish) can happen to anyone at any time. So many running friends have DNF’d. All that doesn’t stop you beating yourself up when it happens to you. When even your arms are feeling fatigued when running relaxed. When you want to push on but can’t. None of this stops those inner voices saying “You’re shit…You’re not fit enough…That old fella’s just passed you easily…”.
At the same time, you’re trying to be kind to yourself. Running is enjoyable. You’re representing your club (Rochdale Harriers in my case) and running with club mates. Your kids are participating too – giving their best racing performances yet
All sound a bit self-absorbed? I suppose reflecting on a DNF is ‘all about me’ to a large extent. Did you do the right thing? Could you have carried on? Did you let down your club mates? What will people think? Worrying about the latter two is pointless. You can’t change any of that anyway. What you can do is use the experience to learn.
What Lessons From a DNF?
- Just let it go -inner voices are just thoughts. They come and go. Never cling on to them.
- Know your body. Instinctively, you’ll know what’s right for you.
- They do happen and probably will do so again.
- There is no shame in not finishing when you’ve been trying.
Does it really matter?
Yes, in that I learned some things from it.
Not at all – from the wider perspective of still enjoying a race night with club and family. I was able to cheer on fellow runners on each of their laps. Seeing some making a comeback was amazing. Louis and his mate Charlie (both 16) were part of the winning men’s team and ran a PB. Izzy (13) ran her 2nd best 5k – after winning her sports day race earlier in the day. Our women were the winning team too. There we a several PB’s, Kay, Matt, Louis & Jill Butterworth – with yet another in 2017!!! The 5k was a cracking little course. We all had an enjoyable time
Rochdale Harriers chain gang – pic by Mia Butterworth
Proud winning teams (missing Jan N)
Under-age drinkers?
And wierdly, the 3k I did run, took me over 600 miles in the 2017 #Run1000Miles challenge – YAY!!
So I’ll be out in the hills this weekend, enjoying some lovely trails. Looking forward to track drills next Monday and #TrackTuesday. And we’ll be back at another 5k race in the Cannonball Events summer series.
Keep moving forward
And what a day it was! All four of us taking part in a Lakeland Trails event for the first time. The kids have really got into running as a previous #parkrun post detailed.
Having just turned 16, Louis was eligible for the 10k event. When we entered last year, he’d only just started running regularly. We both booked on, assuming I’d take him round the course. How wrong we were!
Lakeland Trails quest to encourage more people to try out trail running, by introducing a new 5k Sport Trail for 2017, meant Anne Marie and Izzy (13) entered – the former with some cajoling from Izzy!
Sunny Spring Day
The forecast didn’t disappoint, serving up a day of ideal running conditions – slightly cool, dry, some breeze…
As is so often the case, the atmosphere at the event village was buzzing as entrants and their friends & family went about their business of settling down to enjoy the day ahead. There was a real feelgood vibe to Staveley village – no doubt helped by this being a ‘home’ event for new event sponsors Inov-8 who are based literally across from the recreation ground. The kids both took the chance to ‘test drive’ some Inov-8 for their runs – instead of using their normal trail/fell shoes.
Catching up with running friends old and new was a theme of the morning as we wished each other luck for the events ahead. A ‘good luck’ handshake from Graham Patten was a very nice touch before the off.
Batala Beats
The brilliant “Batala Lancaster” got everyone buzzing with their enthusiasm as they drummed up the energy for the start of the 10k. Louis asked “So are we running this together then?” as we were about to head off. The look in his eye said different so I smiled wryly and said we should each run our own race. He smiled and we both knew we were determined to be first back to the finish! Louis stated his intent with a gentle elbow to move me aside as we set off. That first 10 metres was the only time I spent ahead of him! Running so strongly the entire course he built and maintained a 1-2 minute gap. As a parent I had a real mix of sheer pride and joy at how well he was going (I was mentally willing him on) yet at the same time, running hard to catch him in the event he may tire lol! He didn’t as you can see from the times below!
After a gruelling road climb roughly half way through, Louis still managed to take on the climb up and over Reston Scar while still having the energy to belt down the descent back to Staveley village – that last ascent and descent was where I thought I might catch him but he had other ideas.
I gave it everything at the end, to the point of wretching as I rounded the final bend and literally staggered pitifully across the finish. Pleased with 1:00:34 over 11.8k and even more delighted to see Louis had reached 16th with 58:35!
We were greeted with even more lovely news on collecting our t-shirts…
Do we go up there? (Not noticing clear signs)
pic Ian Stainthorpe
Sport Trail Success
The 5k had started after the 10k (11.8k). Their route turned out to be 5.8k with 2 huge climbs – the second being Reston Scar. Almost all four of us finished together. Izzy said it was the hardest she’d ever run and I think she surprised herself by finishing 11th with 36:01. Only 30 mins later she was asking “When is the next one?” lol. Anne Marie had battled her inner voice to push through both climbs and run the steep descent. Enjoy would be the wrong word but she was glad to have experienced her first Lakeland Trails event. We’d all successfully negotiated the ‘Sting in the Tail’.
Apres Trail was a joy. We were able to cheer on friends who were running the 17k challenge and race. Enjoy some lovely coffee and food from the stall vendors. Oh and Louis bought himself a pair of Inov-8 ROCLITE 290 and has been out in them a few times since 🙂
A massive thank you to all amazing marshals, for your smiles and encouragement to all runners 🙂
Btw, I’m only pointing out actual distances for information. One of the great things about trail running is that distances are not expected to be exact. We’re lucky to be running such beautiful places so why not embrace an extra km or two?!
Staveley 2017 5k profile
Well earned t-shirts from a brilliant day 🙂
Series Intent
So what now? Well myself and Louis are booked on the Autumn Series 10k so we can do battle again. Izzy on the Autumn Series 5k too. We’re looking forward to Keswick, Helvellyn and Ullswater so much I can’t tell you! (AM is happy to watch .) This #Run1000Miles challenge is going well and keeping me fit 
Yours in sport
First, Louis (15) wanted to try and complete a 5k run. So I took him to Heaton Parkrun – running with him was amazing. On completing it his reaction was “God at times I felt I was dying then!…Can we do it again soon?”
Within two weeks – after some runs in and around our area – our daughter, Izzy (13) was attempting her first #parkrun. By incorporating the odd walk, she managed it. This time I’d taken a real ear-bashing on our way round. Well what’s a parent of teens for after all?! Her reaction? “That was horrible – the hardest run I’ve ever done!…Can we come back next week?”
Running with someone doing more than they’ve run before. Pushing through their own barriers. Telling themselves they ‘can’t’ but ultimately showing themselves they can. It fills you with a sense of pride. Makes you feel alive. Whereas us Vets are looking for marginal gains (or falls!), they’re smashing all previous bests! How?
pic by Matt Jones
Well, weekly #parkrun has given them the confidence to enjoy running. The courage to push themselves. The knowledge that your best isn’t always better than previous. That they can never ‘fail’ by trying. In fact they now prefer the far more hilly and difficult Watergrove Parkrun to Heaton Park. A big reason for this is Rochdale Harriers…
Rochdale Harriers have been of immense help to Louis. They were incredibly welcoming of him and their encouragement has been a huge factor in his increasing speed and endurance. Not only that, he’s now finding pleasure in the naturalness of running. The result: He’s fitter and sleeping better, has a release from GCSE study stress – and is smashing me in a 5k run! Meanwhile Izzy often has me taking her on 5, 6, 7k runs or hill reps after I’ve been on club training She’s obviously getting faster and stronger so I’ll only be able to continue doing that for so long!
Both had the confidence to enter for their first paid events – the Lakeland Trails 5k & 10k. And they’re participating in a chip-timed track 5k soon, that mainly consists of adult members from three clubs.
This is all so uplifting. As parents we’re incredibly proud. As a Vet runner it inspires and motivates me to do my best. And they often love to join me on #Run1000Miles trail runs.
Thank you kids. Thank you Harriers. Thank you Parkrun
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The response to my Learning to live with Lyme Disease post was genuinely overwhelming. So many messages of support from people to continue the battle. Through extensive research by myself, friends and family, we’d identified a renowned specialist in Brussels, Belgium.
I was able to book a full consultation with Dr. Boucher and took the Eurostar to Brussels Midi. Eurostar was a cracking service I’d use again. From there it was a simple 20 minute metro to my hotel – very conveniently located within a 15 minute walk of Dr. Boucher’s practice.
After discussing my symptoms extensively, including the onset of chronic illness mid 2013 and the ongoing battle to recover, Dr Boucher confirmed I had “multi-systemic infectious disease“. This being Lyme Disease, almost certainly complicated by associated infection, or infections, given the time it has been residing in my system. To be told this after enduring so much frustration with UK-based treatment, was a huge relief.
Suddenly, here was someone finally explaining to me the notoriously high rate of a false negative result from the Elisa test (up to 95% chance!). Also how such infections hide within the body, weather the storm of various medications, then attack the system again with a vengeance. This, he explained, was why I was benefitting to varying degrees from very strong but isolated antibiotic treatments, only to plateau and need to change to another similar antibiotic. For me that has been Doxycycline -> Lymecycline -> Minocycline. Neither was my current isolated dosage of Minocycline strong enough.
I now have a treatment plan – see below. Pretty sketchy as a result of Dr. Boucher’s handwriting and my notes. Basically I take Riamet for a 15 day cycle (3 days on, 2 days off x3). This is followed by:
* Phase 2a: Minocycline, Pantoprazole, Hydroxychloroquine, Fluconazole for 28 days.
* Phase 2b: I do all of 2a, plus Bactrim for 10 days. Then the 4 plus Azithromycin for 12 days. Then those 4 plus Flagyl for 10 days – this last one apparently will kill anything it sees hence I may suffer significant dips in health due to potentially severe onset of original symptoms.
* Then I repeat that cycle a minimum of 2 more times.
Other elements of the treatment plan include going totally dairy free for 3 months at least. Apparently dairy products can facilitate the harbouring of such infections as Lyme Disease. So I’ve immediately begun to create dairy free running fuels such as the dairy free apricot bars. Plenty of pureed fruit will also aid gut health, through easier digestion. Also, probiotic tablets twice a day.
Whilst this treatment plan covers around 4 months, Dr. Boucher expects it to be 5-12 months until I am hopefully cured. I expect to need another appointment with him in September, then it will be a case of liaising via email.
Through the whole process, I’ll be required to keep a very detailed diary of my main symptoms. For me they will be fatique, joint pain, neck pain, headaches, urinary habits, bloating. Each of these will be scored 1-10 according to severity on a daily basis. I’m also required to annotate which medication stage I’m on.
All of this will give us the insight as to how my recovery progresses, through overall mapping of symptoms, plus the trend for each main individual symptom. We had also discussed the extensive neurological impact of the disease which is thankfully much reduced at the moment.
Back in the UK, my GP has been absolutely superb. He has prescribed the full range of treatments and we’ve been able to access the medication as directed. So I’m on day 7 of a long and hopefully positive process. I’ll be rattling for months with this lot (below is phase 2a only)!
Key Advice for anyone worried they may have Lyme Disease:
1. Look at the work of the UNESCO and WHO funded research group – their newsletter discussing emerging bacterial diseases is here.
2. See a briefer summary on their ‘seminar on Pathogens causing diseases‘
3. Prof. Brugère-Picoux is leading this particular research
4. These pages may also help you:
Borreliosis and Associated Diseases Awareness UK
Centre for Disease Control and Prevention
Hopefully I’ll soon be bombing up trails and fells, rather than really struggling or sometimes being barely able to walk/stand. Maybe then this claim in @TrailRunningMag will prove correct 
Here’s to good health
Jeff
Numerous runners, family, friends have asked me to share my story of dealing with Lyme Disease. I’ve initially been reticent for a number of reasons, not least it being so very personal, a mental and physical battle. Mostly that it might come across as ‘woe is me’ and that’s not the kind of person I am or strive to be.
But persuade they did. I hope this helps family, friends, colleagues and those in my wider professional and running network understand the complexities of recovery.
More than anything, that it provides some useful insight and potentially comfort for anyone else with Lyme Disease or chronic illness.
So how did this all start? Well I’d always been very active, both physically and professionally. I’d run my own business for almost 7 years, switched career, got to 2/3 of the way through a part time PhD, joined a running club, bought my first new road bike… However I noticed that I had started to become ill on a cyclical basis. Having very rarely ever had time off with illness through my career, my periods of struggling into work began to take their toll. My system eventually completely crashed in May 2013.
It was only then and through having to provide my GP with the details that I was able to look back and identify the pattern of symptoms. Over a period of 15-18 months, I’d been going through cycles of feeling very rough indeed every 12 weeks or so. And I’m not just talking ‘man flu’ here, it was a genuine struggle to do anything. Thankfully I love my job so I was able to cope with the positive pressure that puts on me. The most noticeable symptom was that every 6 weeks I’d get these superficial nodules in my armpits and occasionally near my pubic area (nice!). For a long time I’d assumed these were spider bites or something but in hindsight I was able to identify that they appeared every 6 weeks almost to the day! That’s when I knew there was something more to this.
Progressively it got worse and two key incidents made this obvious to me:
(i) On the day of a relay with the Harriers, I woke to find my legs feeling like lead. I put this down to pre-race nerves. However during the run I was slightly slower than I’d expected to be and was genuinely drained on getting home – thanks to Chris, Jack, Nick we finished 3rd;
(ii) A week or so later I almost passed out having completed a relatively straightforward 5km race. I’ve never fainted before and intuitively felt something was wrong.
Very early June that was it…I became bed-ridden for initially 10 days and slept almost constantly for 3 days. Family were obviously very worried. They made me drink fluids and eat what I could. Despite this I lost almost 14lbs (6.5kg) within 3 weeks! (Remember I’d been very healthy so didn’t really have much spare fat – well okay a little bit!)
These are some of the main symptoms – which you can see are complex and varied:
Physical:
* Extreme fatigue
* Intense headaches – particularly frontal
* Joint pain
* Muscle pain
* Kidney pain
* Nodules on skin
* Chest rash cyclically
* Waxy skin complexion and occasionally grey tone
* Floaters (in the eyes!)
* Immune system very low indeed. Susceptible to almost any ailment – typically manifests itself with flaring up of my own symptoms.
* Totally unable to control body temperature
* Night sweats
* Sleep very fractured sleep now since June 2013
* Then excessive night time sleep
* Excessive bladder usage – e.g. urinating up to 4x a night
* Mixed bowel movements – seems to be regularly, then 3-4 times p/day
* Occasional loss of libido [ho hum]
* Sore feet (soles)
Neurological:
* Confusion / difficulty finding words and communicating
* Speech errors & wrong words, e.g. ‘more the better’: rather than ‘more the merrier’ [confused with ‘sooner the better’]
* Forgetfulness (attention, short term)
* Severe anxiety – something I’d never suffered from at all.
Below is the mapping of the stages I’d been through, in order to help my GP and a Lyme Disease specialist make sense of what was going on. For anyone dealing with chronic illness I’d recommend doing this. Helps clarify things for you, those close to you and any medical professional you may see.
The Battle with the Medical Profession
My major problem was that I didn’t remember being bitten by a tick – apparently between 50-60% of Lyme Disease sufferers are the same. Neither did I have the classic ‘bullseye rash’ that can be a key early indicator. Basically if not identified quickly you are at risk of the disease taking a real hold in your system rather than being able to be treated and rid of it within 4 weeks maximum. Ticks can be so small they’re notoriously difficult to spot.
This fantastic “Ticks” video re. Lyme Disease by the British Mountaineering Council explains a lot.
Luckily my GP was absolutely brilliant. Always open-minded and genuinely listening to what I explained to him. Totally understood my concerns at every step of the way. I consider myself incredibly fortunate in this respect and later sent a letter to him and the practice thanking them for their continued high level of care.
With in excess of 20 blood tests, x-rays, scans etc. I was tested for everything, from minor ailments to life-threatening conditions. Luckily nothing concrete showed up. Yet the perverse paradox was that I was desperate for them to find something so I’d know for definite what I was dealing with. I sincerely hope that doesn’t offend anyone who has been diagnosed with a serious condition.
Sadly I couldn’t be as positive about the infectious diseases specialist team I saw. The registrar proceeded to work through a very prescriptive form to discover my symptoms – dismissively waving away my offer to show her the above mapping of symptoms. Crucially, she refused to believe that Lyme Disease was a risk in the UK! Myself and relatives found this astounding given the research we had done online (and I was fully aware of the risks of internet diagnosis). Both the registrar and consultant I was later to see made major errors in noting my symptoms. Worst of all, they suggested this was all viral and that I was to come off the medication. Working with the GP I was to prove this to be incorrect. We also think it very likely I was bitten by a tick when running off-road in the Lakes, Finland or the Med. So it’s often insect repellent and/or running tights now!
I was in a situation of being prescribed medication based on Lyme Disease, with my full understanding that I hadn’t been 100% diagnosed with this. The one thing we did know for certain was that I was responding positively to Doxycycline of 200Mg 2x/day.
On finding a Lyme Disease specialist, he reassured me that is was definitely not viral, nor was it in my mind. He had the confidence to ask me to “tell your story” and listened intently. He explained how difficult Lyme Disease is to diagnose – as experienced by many sufferers including Avril Lavigne recently. For example, in my case the Elisa test results suggested Lyme Disease yet the Lyme immunoblot was not conclusive. Ultimately he recommended I continue with my antibiotic treatments and seek holistic therapies such as Kinesiology and Reiki. Anything that would help body recover and potentially reboot my immune system.
On the recommendation of a very dear friend – herself suffering with chronic illness – I saw a Kinesiology practitioner, Julie Elder of Totally Holistic Health. As well as helping immensely with physical symptoms, she taught me a lot about diet which, although very healthy anyway, could further benefit from more raw food and less refined ingredients. Hence ultimately my mix of food and running on this blog!
A Battle of the Mind
Work were absolutely brilliant, putting no pressure on me – in fact actively seeking to take it off. However, anxiety was the devil on my shoulder. I eventually returned to work late August 2013 and was extremely apprehensive for no rational reason. It was also a huge physical effort to walk about 300 metres to the building from where I’d parked. For someone active all his life this was very hard to take.
So it was a case of very supportive colleagues and encouraging me to “just do what you can”. A key lesson I’d pass onto anyone is to openly communicate with key colleagues. If you’re lucky like I was/am, they will support you. I’m proud to say I did not miss any key work commitments since returning – and still haven’t.
By early 2014, my GP had diagnosed me with depression, triggered by the chronic illness. He reassured me he’d have been very surprised had I not been depressed such was the extent of my chronic illness. Treatment for this was the lowest dose of Fluoxetine. Despite everything I knew and understood about depression, I still felt a sense of shame. It’s still something I’ve only discussed with a handful of people. We really ought to reconfigure how this is perceived. For me, the brain is an organ so it would help to start calling conditions of this nature “brain illness” rather than “mental illness” and the various negative connotations that has.
Thankfully I’ve been able to deal with the anxiety no matter how severe. On one memorable – and in a way funny – occasion, I had an incredibly strong urge to bolt out of work! On my way to delivering a presentation the devil on my shoulder was telling me “You’re crap! You can’t do this, just run!” Thankfully I resisted the urge and smiled on entering the room and continued apparently as normal
It was very tough too not being able to train with club members. A scouser, I’d been heartily adopted by Rochdale Harriers So for the 12-15 months I couldn’t exercise, it was of immense help to just go down, watch training sessions and chat to people. Without that network I’m convinced I may not have returned to running.
Lastly, I found myself questioning everything… am I imagining this? Are those close to me frustrated? Do people believe me?
Giving very mixed messages
Now massively improved thanks to continued use of very strong antibiotics, things continue to be on an upward trajectory overall. This is why I’m acutely aware of giving very mixed signals to people. Like so many of us, I’ll smile and try to be positive, even if inside physically/brain-wise I’m feeling like absolute shit. In total I’ve been living the vast majority of nearly 700 days feeling like I have genuine flu. However I’ve learned to ignore it in many respects. Improvement is not linear, it’s very much up and down from one day or week to the next.
I’m very conscious of giving mixed messages. Family, friends, colleagues increasingly see me as getting better which is brilliant. Particularly when they see pics and stories of me #trailrunning the likes of Hawkshead, Staveley, Coniston etc.
I learned to enjoy running and any form of exercise for what it is – an opportunity to feel alive… the wind in your hair, the rain on your face… Running in particular seems to clear my head by allowing me to just be in the moment – cheesy as that sounds! The first time back was a very simple 1km run. I’ll never forget the joy of just trotting along outside for the first time in about 15 months, some light rain on my face and massive smile
Anything involving full concentration continues to take it’s toll on me. So PhD reading and writing has had to go on hold for almost 2 years now! Previously earmarked for promotion on several occasions this has had a direct impact on my career. But I know that won’t be forever and I’ll deal with what I can control.
I regularly deal with internal conflict. E.g. feeling good, then feeling awful; promotion being extremely important one day, far less so the next; content not to study, frustrated at my inability to complete PhD, active one week, not the next. For this I’ve found The Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters invaluable.
I know dips are inevitable and will continue to be so for up to another 2 years – possibly permanently. Medication is likely to continue for at least another 3 months, taking it to over 24 months in total and incorporating my imminent consultation with a specialist in Belgium early July 2015.
Taking the Positives from all of this
✓ All of this has helped me even more acutely recognise how important it is to live life and grasp it with both hands. Family and friends have done everything they can, either being a sounding board, listening to my [ahem] occasional whinging, cookery suggestions etc.
✓ I know people care about me and trust they know that is mutual. My network is not huge but it’s quality. For example, Ben ran Hawkshead and encouraged me constantly. For that I was eternally grateful!
✓ Running club mates have been an absolute inspiration to me. From those who simply encouraged me back, to those that accomplished amazing things, plus others who have cajoled me along during training or a race – you all know who you are Interviewees on this RunEatRepeat.co.uk blog have incredible tales of their own to tell.
✓ Close family, friends, people I interact with every day through my work – all continue to be a source of energy and inspiration.
✓ I’ve learned not to be so hard on myself – something so many of us are guilty of.
This has not beaten me and will not beat you!
So that appears to be the end of this unedited story. Apologies for any waffle and the length of my diatribe.
If you are struggling with Lyme Disease – either suspected or diagnosed, these pages may help:
As I said at the very beginning, I hope this helps anyone who may be suffering with any chronic illness. Take each day at a time and don’t be too hard on yourself