That was the question posed during a meditation session on training motivation.

Up to a year ago my feelings would have responded in the positive. I was forever measuring myself against past performance. Getting frustrated at my inability to reach previous levels – be it a 5k, 10k, trail run or track session. Everything was a battle. Fighting Lyme Disease. A mindset of ‘beating’ chronic illness. That it won’t ‘defeat’ me.

All of this was counterproductive in the extreme. Not least because I became so focused on me and in some denial as to the extent of its impact on me and my family. I became a self-centred pr*ck. Behaviour never to be excused.

Turn to daily meditation and appreciating what we have in life resulted in a totally different outlook. A far more productive outlook and appreciating little things that matter. I use Headspace btw.

So the feelings that came when that question was asked were that happiness is not dependent on my goals. Being content comes from appreciating the life we have. The constant flux. Saying goodnight to those we love. A simple smile

Related to training and running. I have learned to appreciate the joy of being active, whenever my body and time allows. So to smile when out running rather than being driven by times. Appreciating the beautiful off-road routes on our doorstep. Running mindfully when jogging with the kids – who are both getting quicker!! Truly appreciating the fact I can still be active when lots of chronic illness sufferers cannot.

You might be returning from a long spell of injury, frustrated at how hard you now find training. Be kind to yourself and remind yourself of why you do it. Is it for views and fresh air? Wellbeing of mind & body? For the simple fun of exercise?

All the best

Jeff

Having missed out on the last two Lakeland Trails events (Keswick and Coniston), I felt very frustrated at my ongoing struggle with #LymeDisease and the inevitable ups and downs my body goes through. In the middle of these two events was a Brussels trip to see the specialist who has amended my medication treatment plan slightly. Overall it is proving very successful but I have to remember to be very patient as it’s a long-term process.

Mindset

At times like this it’s important to keep thinking positively. Focusing on the benefits and underlying joy of something, helps prevent you wallowing in negativity and self-pity. I can’t deny I’ve been guilty of the latter on occasions because of what this has cost me (in family time, missed events, financially etc.). But then, many people close to me are much worse off. Also, those who care have unquestioningly offered support of some shape or form – all of which I’m immensely grateful for. So I try to look at the bigger picture and appreciate my quality of life.

Why Do I Run Then?

For many reasons. Mostly it is because of the lift exercise gives me and, in my opinion, running is the most natural form of exercise. I was a decent runner during secondary school, a fast sprinter and always in the top 3 at 800m & 1500m. Cross country I especially loved at school. Thinking back, it seems it’s the exhilaration of running as fast as I could over whatever distance, the outdoors, and in particular the connection with woodland, hills, in all weathers – and the added incentive of competing!

You can’t beat exercising in the fresh air – in all weathers! Whether it’s a beautifully bright and fresh autumn day, a nighttime ‘bat’ run, snowbound or lashing it down. Nothing beats the feeling you’re out there doing it

Sometimes it’s only possible to run in solitude. My mind will gradually drift from thinking about daily things, to running form, to absolutely nothing – a great state to arrive at. I vividly remember running on Pennine Moors and the only sounds I could hear were my [ahem] light foot strike, rustling wind, ground-nesting birds. Looking up at a flock of geese caused me to stumble off a fell single track and giggle at my amateurish slip.

Clearly fitness is a massive benefit. Fitness of the brain, the core, organs and so on. In my late twenties, career meant less time keeping fit. Having a young family from my thirties continued this trend. However, having had a Discectomy when 31, I was told the best way to prevent further issues was to rebuild and maintain my fitness.  It was in my mid-thirties that I entered my first trail run – the Helvellyn Lakeland Trails 15km. I’d entered due to working with the sponsoring brand and a runner friend encouraging me to commit. Totally unaware and unprepared for the course profile and terrain I cacked myself 2 weeks before. But I was advised to run to my own rhythm with a smile and I’d get through it. I was totally hooked!

For me, it was all about the people. The ability of elite runners simply astounded me – with their capacity to simply glide over challenging terrain and ‘sprint’ major climbs. But more so was the range of shapes, sizes and ages of fellow runners. Two instances of inspiration in particular stick in my mind:

1) The 60+ vet who encouraged me to keep going despite cramp in my calf as we crested the Hawkshead Coffin Trail. If he could keep going, so could I.

2) The middle-aged lady at the back of a ParkRun field, determined to complete 5km while recovering from surgery. Incredible

These examples of indefatigable spirit sum up running for me. The joy of the challenge, the ability to overcome the demons that tell you you can’t carry on, the mind’s ability to forget the pain and go again. At pretty much every event I’ve ever been to, the atmosphere created by volunteers, family, friends and locals there to cheer on runners, stall holders at the event village, elderly runners sharing their experiences, all form part of a tremendous community. I’ve met amazing people through this sport and will continue to for many years to come I’m sure.

I am definitely competitive, though running has increasingly become about doing the very best I can. So yes I do try to bridge the gap to the runner in front. And I will be as keen as anyone to maintain my lead over someone else. But that is more about using other people to help me do my very best and potentially improve on my last run in some way.

And the views – oh the views of #trailrunning! Especially places like the Lakes, Pennines, local woods

And that links to the final reason I run (that I can think of today anyway!)… Exploring new places. Through running events and off-road trails with friends, I’ve discovered places I didn’t even know existed. Opening up new boundaries is simply an amazing feeling

Below is a small selection of images that convey my joy of running. Hope they bring a smile to your face

pic by Kay @runforfun82

Jeff

Renee, how did you initially become interested in sports nutrition and dietetics?
I initially did a biochemistry degree with nutrition which I found absolutely fascinating and I actually thought I would end up in research. However my tutor encouraged me to look into Dietetics as he thought that it would really suit my skill set! I decided to take his advice and was lucky to be accepted on the post graduate course in Glasgow. I qualified as a registered dietitan and started working clinically within the NHS. I really enjoyed this for the first few years and I gained so much from these years of working. However I always knew that  I wanted to work within sport. I was a very sporty child, always in the teams at school and continued to stay fit and complete challenges such as London to Brighton bike ride. After I had my two girls, I decided that I didn’t want to return to the NHS and so I took some time out to be a Mum to them but also to do a post graduate in applied sports nutrition. After the first lecture, I knew I had made the right career path. I loved being able to return to my biochemical roots and I guess the rest is history!

You say what you eat can make all the difference to your performance. How is this?
Although training is probably the most important aspect of performance, in order to get optimal results from your training, making sure you put the right fuel bore, during and after is a necessity. Training is a stimulus so if you are trying to increase speed for a 5k then your training will involve several sessions where you are working at very high intensity. You will need to ensure adequate carbohydrate before this session to actually achieve these high speeds and then post training, in order to help the muscles adapt from the stimulus it is important to re-fuel with both carbohydrate and protein.

How has sports nutrition developed, during your 14+ year career?
Its evolved significantly; it’s a science. As more and more studies demonstrate how nutrition impacts performance and recovery, it is being explored further in order to get that extra edge. Even since I qualified as a specific sports dietitian, thoughts around carbohydrates, protein, fats, hydration, energy requirements and portion sizes have changed significantly. We are seeing big differences between males and females; different ethnicities and sports which makes it a very exciting area to be involved in.

So the evidence base is developing rapidly. Look forward to reading more on that. 

Do you think food intolerances are on the increase? If so why?
I don’t think there is a rise in food intolerances but I think more people are wanting something to blame/focus on for why they may be feeling tired, bloated etc. a lot of people do not realise that actually being dehydrated is the most common reason people get bloated. Similarly a lot of people will come to me and say, “I just can’t eat pasta, it bloats me!” a gain the reality is that when we eat carbohydrate, we tend to also hold onto more water. You can hold onto as much as 4g of water per g of carbohydrate so naturally you are going to feel a bit bloated especially if you have eaten a huge plate of pasta!

I think it has become very “faddy” to have an intolerance; however during my time in the NHS I worked in an allergy clinic where I saw real, legitimate allergies and intolerances and so I’m very cynical when someone tells me pasta makes them bloat!

That said I do work with individuals who do have legitimate issues, usually with a lot more severe symptoms who really benefit from excluding the culprit food item.

Do you feel we’re seeing a trend where people are returning to healthier foods and home cooking?
Yes, there seems to be a real think for “clean” eating. Personally I hate the term “clean” because it also suggests that eating food that are not in this list are “dirty”. I don’t believe in demonising any foods or ingredients because its all about balance. I do believe that if you prepare the majority of your meals with fresh ingredients then you are more likely to get a better balance of nutrients.

What advice would you offer to anyone considering going on a diet?
Don’t deprive; don’t over restrict and set realistic goals. When people embark on very restrictive or fad diets they do tend to lose a lot of “weight” in the first few weeks but the majority of this weight is loss of glycogen and fluid stores. You will also tend to lose more muscle mass which long term will be detrimental as a lower overall muscle mass will lower your metabolic rate. When I’m working with individuals who are trying to lose weight, the key is to lower overall energy intake, increase protein as this will retain muscle mass. Additionally protein tends to have a higher satiety value so it tends to fill you up for longer. I also never cut out carbs completely. I will advise on portions and timing so that no food is off limits. I usually also prescribe one “cheat” meal or pudding a week.

As part of my Lyme Disease treatment plan, the specialist advised going dairy free for a minimum of 3 months. Aside from using coconut oil as a butter substitute, what other tips could you share for anyone going dairy free?
The biggest mistake a lot of people make when going dairy free is not to replace it appropriately. With so many dairy free alternative milks available these days it can make it very confusing. I always recommend that individuals try to replace dairy with soya milk and products such as yoghurt. Soya is the closest match to dairy when it comes to protein and calcium. Many of the other milk alternatives available are very low in carbohydrate and protein so are not a good substitute. I also encourage dairy free alternatives that are high in calcium such as tahini, nut butters, green leafy veg and oily fish.

Thank you… What part does sport participation play in your own life?
It plays a huge part in my life. As I said I have always been involved in sport ever since school. I started running more competitively about 8 years ago; initially I just ran half marathons. In 2012 I was lucky enough to get a club place at London marathon; by this time I had been working with Holly Rush for a while (GB marathon and ultra marathon runner) and she offered to coach me. I took her up and was delighted by my time of 3.17. Holly has continued to coach, advise and inspire me!

Over the last few years I have moved away from road running and racing. I have a 3 year old Brittany spaniel and I love going for long exploratory runs with him surrounded by beautiful countryside. This has lead to me run a few ultras in the last couple of years and I’m hoping to go back to my favourite race, SBU35 at the end of August this year.

3.17!! That’s a fantastic time Renee You’ve got the ultra bug too which is great to hear.

Your recent feature in Trail Running Magazine highlighted 10 ‘hero’ foods. Any others to suggest for runners?
My Hero foods are definitely not an exhaustive list and they are transferable across all sports. As with all sports its not really about individual foods but more about the combination of foods around training.

What dangers are there associated with individual superfoods?
The problem with using the term “super food” is that it sends a false message –instantly individuals assume that if they include this one wonder product in their diet, it wil make them instantly healthier. However just because you have a super green smoothie every morning it doesn’t stop you from developing health problem sor stop you from gaining excess weight if you are still over consuming in other areas. It also plays to the food manufacturers and retailers because as soon as something is deemed “super” it means they instantly hike the prices up too!

You have a concern about bad advice on nutrition from bloggers. How can anyone spot this more easily?
Food and health bloggers without formal qualifications are a real concern of mine. It took me 6 years of studying and several more years of researching to gain the knowledge and practical application of nutrition that I have today. Just because you have an interest in food doesn’t make you an expert of give you the right to prescribe advice to others. One of the major problems is that the term “nutritionist” is not protected. Anyone can all themselves a nutritionist whether they have a legitimate degree in nutrition or they have done a 6 week diploma course from the internet. There are also many alternative therapy courses such as nutritional therapy. None of these course are regulated by a governing body and so the advice they provide is not usually evidence based. As a Dietitian I am regulated by the British Dietetic association but also the Health Professions council. I have to abide by a strict code of conduct and all my advice needs to be evidence based.

Having just started reading your “Training Food” book I can begin to understand that. I hope my own Fuel Food comes up to scratch btw?!
It is fine – you are not advising individuals or suggesting they make major changes to their diets such as being gluten free or removing carbs or keeping clear of fruit without any evidence for making such claims.

Phew!  How can effective sports nutrition help the mind?
I’m not sure if sports nutrition can specifically improve the mind but there have been many links with nutrition and general well being; if you eat well – a varied diet rich in nutrients, you generally reap the rewards. Some studies have shown getting the balance of n3 fatty acids can really improve cognitive function and there are many reports of how low Vitamin D levels can be linked to an increase risk of depression.

I saw in Robbie Britton’s latest blog post with ProFeet that you’re advising him.  What general nutritional advice would you offer ultra runners?
I think its very difficult to give general advice as no two people are the same. I always like to work with the individual, get to know their goals both from a body composition point of view but also from a performance point of view. This will very much shape my advice. However I guess in general terms ultra runners really need to learn to tailor their nutritional intake to their training; there is no need for big bowls of porridge or pasta if you are going out for a long run at a low intensity. That said due to the general increase in training volume and “time on feet’ ultra runners will benefit from increasing their protein intake; this doesn’t mean eating huge portions post training but its more about having a small amount of protein at an increased frequency throughout the day. Increasing essential fatty acids can also help with inflammation. The other key thing ultra runners need to pay attention to is their salt inake, particularly during long runs and races. The sodium requirements per hour for most ultras are double that of a shorter race and many branded sports drinks will have no where near enough. I usually recommend using salt caps or sticks which ensures that you meet your requirements.

And what about for those from a short walk/run to a 10k?
Again it does come back to intensity. So if you are doing a  high intensity 10K session then you need to make sure you put enough carbs in before and also replace them with protein after; however if you are walking, you will have enough energy stores within your body to meet the demands of this activity. However do remember to stay hydrated and keep on top of your salt intake if it particularly warm.

Your new book “Training Food” seems to have really tapped into people’s interest. Has the response surprised you?
Yes! I have been so overwhelmed by the response it has got but also really touched when people get in touch and let me know how much they have benefited. I also really like seeing all the pictures of the recipes they have made.

That’s pretty modest, given “Training Food” is Amazon’s #1 best seller in Fitness Training.  What made you decide to write the book?
I was actually approached by the publishing company. One of the editors had been following my blogs and article sin magazines and liked the way that I made sports nutrition practical and accessible. She got in contact and we agreed to meet. The rest as they say is history!

What other books would you recommend to anyone interested in healthy sports nutrition or a healthy lifestyle?
That’s a really difficult question and I guess if I’m honest I don’t go looking! As I said earlier I stay clear of books written by individuals who are not qualified; there are so many that are based on their individual journey with food and nutrition and while this may be interesting, I think its important to remember that “one size does not fit all”. Just because a celebrity has written a book about going sugar or gluten free because it worked wanders for them, doesn’t mean they should impose their ideas onto the rest of the population.

What is the best nutritional advice someone has ever given you?
It’s a bit of a cliché but “a little of what you fancy does you know harm!”

Renee thank you very much indeed for this interview. Here’s to continued success for you and your “Eat Well Feel Fab” brand  

Jeff

Sarah, can you tell us about your love of the outdoors?
I just love being outside really! I find sitting about really boring, even if I’m busy and have things to do, I find I start to get twitchy and need to get outside to energise myself and clear my head – it just makes me feel so much better. Over time though it’s evolved into something much more than just a love of being outdoors – I’ve seen such an abundance of wildlife, sunsets, landscapes, history – I’d never have experienced those things from an armchair. I’ve come to realise that life is about experiences, and my ‘fix’ comes from the outdoors. Many of the people I’ve met along the way have influenced my love of the outdoors, and I love the lifestyle that comes with it.

What part does running play in this?
That’s kind of hard for me to define, because I do lots of other things, like climbing, skiing, biking, sometimes walking, and like those things, running is just a part of my life. That said, I do a lot more running that any of the other things these days, and it’s allowed me to explore many corners of the globe that I’ve travelled to – there aren’t many things you can do alone, anywhere, just by slipping on a pair of running shoes, and I suppose that is one of the best things about running – you can enjoy the outdoors, at whatever level you are capable of, anywhere. 

You’ve taken on some real challenges lately, including planning for the incredible Breo Hero 700 mile challenge! How would you describe such experiences?
The 700 miler, Running North, is actually on hold for the moment – during the Coast to Coast (which was 200 miles or so…), Laraine and I realised lots of things, and the main one was that we just weren’t ready for such a big undertaking – what really swung it was the realisation that Scotland isn’t all sunsets, wildlife and scenery, even in summer, it’s a really harsh environment. So, to better prepare ourselves, we’re running a series of long-distance routes to allow us to hone vital elements like kit, clothing, what we eat and what we use for sleeping! Aside from that Laraine ended up with extreme plantar fasciitis in both feet, and I was offered a full-time research post, so logistically, it would have been put on hold anyway.

How seriously do you take nutrition?
Because I do so much yoga, I’ve become a true advocate of being balanced, and I definitely take a balanced approach toward what I eat – every day I load up with fruit and veg in the form of green smoothies and salads, and eat very little refined or processed food – I guess most people would say I’m a super healthy eater, and I do notice a difference if I’ve had to eat food that I view as not so nutrient dense. For example, if I’ve been on the hill for a couple of days and had to carry all my food, it’s generally dried or there’s lots of sugar and salt added, and that sort of food makes me lethargic. I make a lot of my own food from scratch when I can – houmous, pates, birchers etc are good for packing lots of good stuff in. But, I generally have a bit of a naughty, mischievous nature and this definitely applies to what I eat – I love sweeties, cheeses and craft beers – however, I do believe the good balances out the treats! I drink gallons of water, and Yogi teas are a favourite, but I have to admit, without a good strong espresso first thing, very little happens!

What running fuel tips would you pass, particularly for long days in the hills?
I’m not sure I’m the best person to ask for a solid answer on this, because I tend to go for long periods on the hill without refuelling, and instead load up before, when I get home, on rest days etc. There’s different schools of thought on what the best approach is – some think it’s better to train the body to operate on little food, and other believe in eating as often as possible. For me, I struggle with eating while doing intense activity, but I think 100 calorie boosts are good and easy for the body to manage while on the go. With hydration, again, I am not so good, and probably could learn a better approach – I think this could be down to spending so much time running in the Alps, where I carried nothing more than ID and a few quid, because it was always possible to get a sip of water from one of the many, many water troughs that are dotted all along Alpine trails – I even had a sip of glacier water once! In Scotland, I do carry a small bottle of water in my waist pack, but could definitely carry more. I like the Nakd bars and nibbles – they are light to carry and offer a good, nutrient dense, energy boost. I think it’s wise to always carry some food and water for any runs over 10km, especially so if going into the hills. However, fuel is such a personal thing, trial and error is the key to learning what works, as every runner is completely different.

What is your favourite pre-run and post-run fuel?
Before a run, I just try to eat as much as I can but allow myself plenty of time, say a couple of hours, to digest. I now have a good idea of what my body needs, but that’s just come with experience. I generally eat a lot of fruit, veg and proteins before running – sometimes I have carbs, but usually, these are reserved for treat/rest days! I’m a caffeine fiend, and struggle to operate until I’ve had a good strong espresso, followed by a green tea!  Oh – loads of water also!

Post run – I eat what my body tells me it wants, but my favourite thing after a long day on the hill is a gourmet burger with a craft beer! Even better – in the sun!

Where does your boundless enthusiasm come from?
Coffee! Just kidding. It’s just the way I am – I probably have too much energy, and am easily bored, but it feeds my thirst for knowledge and I love that I am one of those people who always wants more, wants to learn more and wants to experience more.  I would hate to be a couch potato! That said, there’s plenty of times I’ve totally burnt myself out, and spent a few days in bed catching up on sleep. As I get older, I’m learning we all have limits!

How did your support from @Breofficial @sealskinz and @SkiAscent come about?
With all these things, social media plays a big part and that’s effectively the common dominator for all the companies and brands I’ve worked with – it can be hard to maintain a social media presence, and mine definitely ebbs and flows! But that’s really where all these connections come from, and most people I know who work with brands have built their relationships in the same way. I’ve been involved with Breo for a long time now, and I hope I continue to be for a long time to come – they have been a great company to work with, and I’ve really enjoyed being part of what they do. Sealskinz has been a more recent connection, and that came via one of the media representatives who I’d spent a bit of time with a few years ago doing some Gore Tex things.  SkiAscent – I helped set up the company, but for various reasons, I’m no longer involved. I suppose that’s the downside of these things, not every connection you make will be the right one for you, and when it becomes a full-time job in itself, it can loose it’s gloss! For the most part though, I’ve been really lucky and I work with other companies and brands too who allow me to dip in and out of things, as and when I have the time.

How do you find blogging?
I’ve always loved writing, and I actually took a minor in Journalism when I was doing my undergrad degree, but I lost touch with it for a while when I focused on being an ‘artist’, and screen printing, photography and design took over. Then I moved to Aviemore and took a temporary post with Wilderness Scotland – part of my role was to mange the blog, and I got some really great feedback for the blogs I was writing – I think one of my wild camping posts is still one of their most popular blogs! I realised that I enjoyed blogging, it was a lot less pressurised than I found traditional journalism to be, and the style fitted my approach to writing. I contributed to a few other blogs, and then started my own. Recently though, I’ve been eyeballs deep in writing my Ph.D thesis and academic research papers, so it’s been hard to keep up to date with my own blog – it’s probably become a bit of a photo blog to be honest, but I’m ok with that, and I always think it’s good to step away from things so you can find the joy in them once again.

Sarah’s blog is A Squirrel Goes Touring btw

You overcame Lyme Disease – could you tell us a little about your battle?
It’s very hard to communicate just how awful Lyme disease can become, there was a period of time, for me, when things got so bad I couldn’t get out of bed, and that was a really bad experience. I was also living on my own at that point, and it was quite scary not knowing if I would be able to get help if I needed it urgently. Prior to that I’d had quite a bad initial reaction to the tick bite, but it wasn’t until the bite flared up again and quite literally started growing out of my leg that I seen a doctor. I was lucky that I was living in an area where the doctors are familiar with Lyme, and are happy to treat it asap – I know that in some areas there are doctors who aren’t quite so clued up on, and perhaps aren’t even aware it exists.

Unfortunately though I got the antibiotics after the disease had started to get into my system. Of course, I didn’t know this and assumed the treatment would sort me out in a couple of weeks and I very foolishly keep active when I should have been resting. My early symptoms – fevers, racing heart, cold/flu and fatigue got so bad that I was ordered, by the doctor, to do nothing more than walk to my local corner store if it was critical for me to do so! At the same time, I started my Ph.D, so I couldn’t really sit around for long. Eventually my symptoms got so bad that I was having heart and muscle problems, I was always exhausted and stressed, but the worst thing was the brain fog – especially since I was doing research and really needed to be on the ball! Things came to a head after a trip to Vancouver, I wasn’t myself for the duration of my trip, but on the ten-hour flight home I had a really bad reaction to some blue cheese I’d eaten the nice previous, I don’t know if this was related to having Lyme or not, but it’s not something that had happened before. I literally thought I was going to die, it was awful – I don’t know how I got through boarder control at Heathrow and have no idea how I got through the flight back up to Scotland.

It took a couple of weeks to get over that, and I then went winter climbing in the Cairngorms for a couple of weeks. This was the last nail in the coffin and I was unable to get out of bed for about a month following. This made me realise I had to do something radical to get a normal life again.  Antibiotics just weren’t working, and I was living in an area where the doctors just didn’t want to help – I was continuously told that I was stressed because I was doing a Ph.D, and that I should find ways to relax! As a yoga teacher, I was well aware of ways to manage stress, and I found this both frustrating and angering.  Regardless, it was quite clear the doctors were not prepared to help me. So, I explored lots of things, and I found that diet and probiotics were the two things that started to made a difference. I started climbing again, and then running to get fit for climbing, I thought that running would send me on a downward spiral of exhaustion again, but it did the opposite and really seemed to help me get well again – perhaps it was all the sunshine! Now, I still have to be really careful that I don’t overdo, I get tried really easily, am susceptible to colds, and have lasting heart, lung and muscle problems, but a good diet and plenty of sleep seems to have been my saving grace!

That is some story Sarah and I can identify with a lot of it, having contracted Lymes myself.

Who and where do you draw your inspiration you?
Being in nature, of course. I also love the sun, snow, mountains, water – it’s usually quite hard to get all four at the same time! In terms of people, I think people who work hard to overcome hurdles, whatever they may be, are very inspirational – anyone with a positive, optimistic outlook on life I suppose. I really hate being around negativity, I find it drains me and zaps my energy, and I try to avoid neurotic people who should probably do a bit more yoga or something! I like to keep things simple and be happy with what I’ve got – I’m not interested in awards or achievements, and I draw inspiration from anyone or anything that has the same ethos as me.

What’s on your bucket list?
I don’t actually have one – my personality is such that I really am quite unpredictable and hard to pin down, I get an idea in my head and either go off and do it, or get bored waiting for it to happen! When I was younger, I was desperate to explore every corner of the globe, but that’s faded as I’ve gotten older. I’d love to spend a bit more time in Norway – my current dream is to buy a boat and live on it for a bit, touring the coastline and skiing further north of the country. I’d love to spend some time above the Arctic Circle, it’s an area that’s always fascinated me – I love the culture, the clothing (my first degree was in Textiles) and the people – I guess that would take in a lot of Siberia and Alaska as well.

Other than that, I’m very much enjoying being in the Highlands of Scotland at the moment and am struggling to find a reason to leave as there’s so much to do here – my next stop is Orkney. For the winter, I’m hoping to build on my very, very basic ski touring skills and spend lots of time in the Scottish hills on ski, doing a bit of hut-to-hut touring, bothy style!

Lastly, what is your running mantra?
I have a few:

– anything is better than nothing,

– just do it, and;

– good things happen when you wear the right shoes.

Fantastic stuff Sarah! Thank you so much for this interview. Your enthusiasm for life experiences is infectious believe me. Can’t wait to hear more about your future adventures  #ThisGirlCan

Jeff

The response to my Learning to live with Lyme Disease post was genuinely overwhelming. So many messages of support from people to continue the battle. Through extensive research by myself, friends and family, we’d identified a renowned specialist in Brussels, Belgium. 

I was able to book a full consultation with Dr. Boucher and took the Eurostar to Brussels Midi. Eurostar was a cracking service I’d use again. From there it was a simple 20 minute metro to my hotel – very conveniently located within a 15 minute walk of Dr. Boucher’s practice.

 


After discussing my symptoms extensively, including the onset of chronic illness mid 2013 and the ongoing battle to recover, Dr Boucher confirmed I had “multi-systemic infectious disease“. This being Lyme Disease, almost certainly complicated by associated infection, or infections, given the time it has been residing in my system.  To be told this after enduring so much frustration with UK-based treatment, was a huge relief.

Suddenly, here was someone finally explaining to me the notoriously high rate of a false negative result from the Elisa test (up to 95% chance!). Also how such infections hide within the body, weather the storm of various medications, then attack the system again with a vengeance. This, he explained, was why I was benefitting to varying degrees from very strong but isolated antibiotic treatments, only to plateau and need to change to another similar antibiotic. For me that has been Doxycycline -> Lymecycline -> Minocycline. Neither was my current isolated dosage of Minocycline strong enough.

I now have a treatment plan – see below. Pretty sketchy as a result of Dr. Boucher’s handwriting and my notes. Basically I take Riamet for a 15 day cycle (3 days on, 2 days off x3). This is followed by:

* Phase 2a: Minocycline, Pantoprazole, Hydroxychloroquine, Fluconazole for 28 days.
* Phase 2b: I do all of 2a, plus Bactrim for 10 days. Then the 4 plus Azithromycin for 12 days. Then those 4 plus Flagyl for 10 days – this last one apparently will kill anything it sees hence I may suffer significant dips in health due to potentially severe onset of original symptoms.
* Then I repeat that cycle a minimum of 2 more times.

Other elements of the treatment plan include going totally dairy free for 3 months at least. Apparently dairy products can facilitate the harbouring of such infections as Lyme Disease. So I’ve immediately begun to create dairy free running fuels such as the dairy free apricot bars.  Plenty of pureed fruit will also aid gut health, through easier digestion. Also, probiotic tablets twice a day.

Whilst this treatment plan covers around 4 months, Dr. Boucher expects it to be 5-12 months until I am hopefully cured. I expect to need another appointment with him in September, then it will be a case of liaising via email.

Through the whole process, I’ll be required to keep a very detailed diary of my main symptoms. For me they will be fatique, joint pain, neck pain, headaches, urinary habits, bloating. Each of these will be scored 1-10 according to severity on a daily basis. I’m also required to annotate which medication stage I’m on.

All of this will give us the insight as to how my recovery progresses, through overall mapping of symptoms, plus the trend for each main individual symptom. We had also discussed the extensive neurological impact of the disease which is thankfully much reduced at the moment.

Back in the UK, my GP has been absolutely superb. He has prescribed the full range of treatments and we’ve been able to access the medication as directed. So I’m on day 7 of a long and hopefully positive process. I’ll be rattling for months with this lot (below is phase 2a only)!

Key Advice for anyone worried they may have Lyme Disease:

1. Look at the work of the UNESCO and WHO funded research group – their newsletter discussing emerging bacterial diseases is here.
2. See a briefer summary on their ‘seminar on Pathogens causing diseases‘
3. Prof. Brugère-Picoux is leading this particular research
4. These pages may also help you:

Borreliosis and Associated Diseases Awareness UK
Centre for Disease Control and Prevention

Hopefully I’ll soon be bombing up trails and fells, rather than really struggling or sometimes being barely able to walk/stand. Maybe then this claim in @TrailRunningMag will prove correct

Here’s to good health
Jeff

The Build Up

Friday lunchtime thoughts started wondering to the Saturday and that’s when I seriously began to worry and get excited about what was in store. Would I get round? Was I being stupid even trying? Was I putting people through worry? The answer to all three I knew would be yes. The latter because treasured family and friends knew what I’ve been going through since May 2013 onwards – as my Lyme Disease post revealed. My wife, parents and friends had all ‘had words’ with me saying I should not attempt it if my body was feeling low, or to pull out at a checkpoint if it was too much. I promised them and myself I would – and I really meant it.

Fortunately Train Running Magazine shared this inspiring video on Friday. In it, Matt Williamson, elite ultra runner says: “You’re never going to know what you’re capable of unless you ask your body to do it. And if you ask your body to do it, the amount of satisfaction you can get from that is unlimited.” These words were to ring so, so true.

Pre-event earworms and euphoria

I had words of wisdom on repeat in my head – honestly couldn’t help it.  Two earworms in particular looped:

“We were born to run; we were born because we run.” Chris McDougall, Born To Run

“Endurance is what we were built for.” Matt Williamson, Endurance Video
(Note: This doesn’t mean I believe I’m built for endurance!)

After travelling up Friday evening, I knew I’d wake early Saturday so decided to register 07:30. On heading back to my accommodation I felt strangely euphoric – singing my head off in the car as peaks appeared above cloud, a lovely breeze etc. I knew it would be special on many levels. Little did I know how much the heat would take its toll.

What I did know was I was woefully under-prepared in terms of a total lack of regular ultra training and recce runs. With the ongoing recovery, the longest run I’d done had been one half marathon trail run in Coniston!  In fact I’d only ever done one marathon back in 2011. Yet, bizarrely that wasn’t really important to me. What was most important was I’d been able to make it to the start line. So I joined five other Rochdale Harriers, each of us ready to undertake something we hadn’t done before.

Nice legs, shame about…

Some apprehensive faces?

Fuel regular and often

Nicky Spinks had stressed the importance of eating regularly, even if you don’t feel like it. So I worked on eating something every 30-40 mins, packing 6x date bar slices and 4x power energy balls, plus the banana slices etc I knew I could pick up at each checkpoint. Not forgetting the mini feast the organisers had told us would be waiting at CP5 – Stickle Barn Tavern!

I stuck to this rigidly. On several occasions I didn’t feel hungry at all but knew from every ultra story I’d read that regular calorie intake was critical. Ditto fluids. Sipping water and/or electrolytes very regularly, particularly during uphills. I have never sweated so much, so relentlessly as I did on Saturday. My top half was literally drenched from 5km onwards. Thank goodness for wicking fabrics! Every feed station I made sure of filling my bottle again with either water, Nuun energy drink or half of each. Volunteers at every checkpoint constantly cheerful and encouraging. They really entered into the spirit of things. Over the course I burned about 4,300 calories, so didn’t stop refuelling until 8pm Sunday!

Strategy for the Day

Again, based on advice from Nicky Spinks, the approach was to walk every climb, run the flats and walk some descents. I love rapid descents but had been warned that your quads can suffer massively if you don’t ease off earlier on. I did ease by walking up ‘The Struggle’ to Kirkstone Pass and held back quite a bit on the descent towards Brothers Water and Hartsop. What a view too!  That beginning climb of almost 1500 ft was certainly a welcome to ultra territory!

Descent towards Brothers Water

My lack of any recce was a nagging doubt that came to mind on several occasions… Did it make much difference? Yes and No. It would have helped knowing what was in store. But the further you go it just becomes a case of keeping going no matter how far is left or how much further the climb. All ifs, buts, maybes which would make no difference to me on the day so I just got on with it.

The last 10km I felt strangely strong again. 2 big climbs apart (one of which was Loughrigg) there were a number of flat parts. I was really able to get into a relaxed rhythm and build up my pace again – at least that’s what I told myself, my Garmin battery had died at about 50km! Results later revealed, that out of 521 listed starters, 311 finished and I placed 95th in 8:52:59. My fellow Harriers all did better placing between 27th and 53rd.

What Got Me Through?

Matt Williamson’s mindset of breaking things into small chunks worked a treat. I’d began to run for some time with club mates Mark & John and unintentionally ran a little quicker than I should have. Checkpoint 2 (17km) came 10 mins ahead of schedule and the three of us enjoyed a very welcome top up of fluids, some banana and a brief chat. We knew the biggest climb of the day was next so took our time.  The initial 400+ft climb out of Glenridding was relatively comfortable, being mostly in the shade of the trees. But after a descent and undulation came the 1200 ft climb past Grisedale Tarn to Grisedale Hause. My quads cramped really badly from about halfway up and I almost fell backwards twice. Remarkable views back down towards were some compensation – as was the fact I knew the pain would subside at some point. Nausea was a sensation I was to experience for the first of several times during each climb. As Robbie Britton has said, it’s part and parcel of any ultra.

The descent from Grisedale Hause saw us drop about 1600 ft in around 6.5km. The marshall at the top ensured I didn’t mistakenly take the 110km route and offered a friendly warning to take care on the descent with it being very rocky and in places slippy, despite the incredibly hot weather. So I took my time though my quads took another bashing. Cramps again heading downhill and I wasn’t even halfway round the course

Looking back on climb out of Glenridding

Grisedale Hause descent to Grasmere

By the time I reached Grasmere I was in a pretty bad way. Trying to relax very tight thighs, calfs and hamstrings while trotting along part of the A591 south, I was nearly overtaken by an enthusiastic 5 year old! Had a laugh with his dad about it because again this encouraged me to keep going. Same as kids applauded myself and others as we ran across the lush field just before getting into the Grasmere checkpoint. That stop at 29.3km was so welcome. It was at this part that I did question whether or not I could continue. So I took time to consume and top up fluids, grab a bite and briefly chat to fellow runners. Yet again, feed station volunteers, particularly the little girl, were infectious in their enthusiasm. Part of me genuinely wanted to stop here but I resisted this and made myself step out of the school building. Two friendly faces in the shape of Chris and Karen gave me the chance to stop, say hello, ask how the others were doing and to adjust my laces. (Anything for a few extra seconds rest!)

Looking back towards Grasmere & Rydal Water

Chatting to a fellow runner I discovered I wasn’t the only one questioning myself at this point. In her case, her other half walked with her out of Grasmere and reminded her how much she’d achieved getting this far, so to continue. We soon passed one fellow runner who said the heat was simply too much for him. I’d already decided to just deal with each section, in this case Silver How which was a bloody climb of about 600 ft in around 1.5km-2km! At this point, we reminded ourselves the next checkpoint was only around 8km away. This helped me deal with each and every undulation I was to ascend / descend. Hardly any flat here and plenty of slate scree. The marshall was revelling in the incredible 360 views up here, proudly suggesting he’d got the best spot of the day. It was hard to disagree One fantastic moment of distraction came when hearing and seeing overhead fighter planes. Someone, somewhere kindly videoed this and shared on Twitter.

Vulcan XH558 passing over Bassenthwaite Lake @cumbriatourism @CarlisleAirport @keswickuk @XH558 #Keswick pic.twitter.com/DVHFsUAL0E

— Antony J Cross (@antonyjohncross) June 27, 2015

From just before the halfway point, my mantra became “Ask the question”.  At every incline I’d walk. Then on approaching the crest, my inner voice would utter “Ask the question” and I’d force myself to jog off again. Every single time I made my body respond. The ultra really became a metaphor for life – and for my own journey since May 2013. Breaking things down into achievable goals: The next checkpoint; drink; over the next boulder; to the top of the ridge; drink; get to the next gate; food; run past applauding spectators; one foot in front of the other…

At every opportunity I tried to encourage others, whether they passed me or I passed them – sometimes repeatedly with the same participants. Just before checkpoint 4 at Langdale my mate Luke caught me up and after a brief chat seemed to effortlessly pull away – git We wished each other luck at the checkpoint while enjoying another top up of fluids and fuel food.

Circling the Langdales

Sucking up more suffering was inevitable. Blisters had been forming on my right foot and I took the opportunity to tend to them – and have a 5 min sit down! Not sure what the passing tourists made of me snapping a pic of my foot?! Many fellow participants were to endure similar.

Approaching Stickle Barn was another very difficult phase for me. Across very boggy ground, up bridleways, down steep very rocky terrain. I felt like I had very little left physically. But like others, I was determined to push on… “Ask the question“. Lakeland day trippers applauded us into the pub. I fuelled up with flat coke (I never usually drink coke), some leek and potato soup, plus a few fat chips! Sat down and chatted to a few 110km participants and voiced my admiration. So I felt the least I could do was get through the final 12km over Loughrigg and into Ambleside. I will never forget leaving Stickle Barn to the sound of cowbells and cheers ringing in my ears. Neither will I forget the bloke behind me muttering “Now that climb is just taking the piss!” as we began ascending the penultimate major ascent Slightly less of a surprise was James Kirby hiding in the bushes ready to take a snap – he’d been on duty for about 24hrs!

Let me finish on a huge positive:

Endless encouragement

I’ve always felt there is a joy to running with and against others. But I now know the true meaning of Chris McDougall’s words: “The reason we race isn’t so much to beat each other,… but to be with each other.”

Every single clap. Every smile of a pub goer or rambler. Every child shouting out “Keep going!” “Well done!” as they held their arms out for a high five. How I enjoyed returning the favour every time!

As I came back towards Rothay Park, I still didn’t know whether I had 1km or 400m left. But one little girl made a massive difference and I will never forget her enthusiasm. Standing on the grass verge, she clapped me and shouted “The finish is just round the corner!” I smiled and said “Thanks!”  Immediately I was running between lines of spectators who all applauded and shouted encouragement. I turned the corner around the hedge and there it was: “Ultimate Trails” writ large on the big black inflatable! My eyes scanned the finish to check I was really at the end – and to the right I saw my wife and kids star jump, massive smiles on Louis & Izzy’s faces as they shouted “Dad!!”. The MC welcomed me back and said something along the lines of it being an epic achievement for me given what I’d been through – my face as the medal was placed around my neck was probably one of immense pride, relief, fatigue. Anne Marie’s face was pure relief and she thrust a latte and flapjack into my hands. For some reason I developed a Latte craving that next 24hrs!

I later discovered the last finisher came in around 01:40 Sunday morning. What an achievement to get through! Fellow Harrier Jill completed the 110km with Davina – a feat I struggle to get my head around…

Would I do another ultra? Well I certainly haven’t uttered the words “Never again” so perhaps I will I’d kept telling myself I was no Ultra runner but actually I got round, got through severe quad cramping, nausea etc etc. People got me through it and I hope I helped others achieve too Ultra marathon entry next year then?

So to every single marshall, to every volunteer, to every person in the parts of the Lake District we passed through: “Thank You!”. There was the fella I saw on a bike three times. The lady I saw three times in the last 15km: She appeared at the top of the last climb before Stickle Barn Tavern, clapping and shouting encouragement. She was there when I exited Stickle Barn. She was there clapping me at the finish line. I began to wonder if I’d been hallucinating! Possibly having run 58km of mountain terrain…

My main thought from the experience? “Ask the question.”  You’d be surprised at the answer

Yours in sport!

Jeff

Numerous runners, family, friends have asked me to share my story of dealing with Lyme Disease. I’ve initially been reticent for a number of reasons, not least it being so very personal, a mental and physical battle. Mostly that it might come across as ‘woe is me’ and that’s not the kind of person I am or strive to be.

But persuade they did. I hope this helps family, friends, colleagues and those in my wider professional and running network understand the complexities of recovery.

More than anything, that it provides some useful insight and potentially comfort for anyone else with Lyme Disease or chronic illness.

So how did this all start? Well I’d always been very active, both physically and professionally. I’d run my own business for almost 7 years, switched career, got to 2/3 of the way through a part time PhD, joined a running club, bought my first new road bike… However I noticed that I had started to become ill on a cyclical basis. Having very rarely ever had time off with illness through my career, my periods of struggling into work began to take their toll. My system eventually completely crashed in May 2013.

It was only then and through having to provide my GP with the details that I was able to look back and identify the pattern of symptoms. Over a period of 15-18 months, I’d been going through cycles of feeling very rough indeed every 12 weeks or so. And I’m not just talking ‘man flu’ here, it was a genuine struggle to do anything. Thankfully I love my job so I was able to cope with the positive pressure that puts on me. The most noticeable symptom was that every 6 weeks I’d get these superficial nodules in my armpits and occasionally near my pubic area (nice!). For a long time I’d assumed these were spider bites or something but in hindsight I was able to identify that they appeared every 6 weeks almost to the day! That’s when I knew there was something more to this.

Progressively it got worse and two key incidents made this obvious to me:

(i) On the day of a relay with the Harriers, I woke to find my legs feeling like lead. I put this down to pre-race nerves. However during the run I was slightly slower than I’d expected to be and was genuinely drained on getting home – thanks to Chris, Jack, Nick we finished 3rd;

(ii) A week or so later I almost passed out having completed a relatively straightforward 5km race. I’ve never fainted before and intuitively felt something was wrong.

Very early June that was it…I became bed-ridden for initially 10 days and slept almost constantly for 3 days. Family were obviously very worried. They made me drink fluids and eat what I could. Despite this I lost almost 14lbs (6.5kg) within 3 weeks! (Remember I’d been very healthy so didn’t really have much spare fat – well okay a little bit!)

These are some of the main symptoms – which you can see are complex and varied:

Physical:

* Extreme fatigue
* Intense headaches – particularly frontal
* Joint pain
* Muscle pain
* Kidney pain
* Nodules on skin
* Chest rash cyclically
* Waxy skin complexion and occasionally grey tone
* Floaters (in the eyes!)
* Immune system very low indeed. Susceptible to almost any ailment – typically manifests itself with flaring up of my own symptoms.
* Totally unable to control body temperature
* Night sweats
* Sleep very fractured sleep now since June 2013
* Then excessive night time sleep
* Excessive bladder usage – e.g. urinating up to 4x a night
* Mixed bowel movements – seems to be regularly, then 3-4 times p/day
* Occasional loss of libido [ho hum]
* Sore feet (soles)

Neurological:

* Confusion / difficulty finding words and communicating
* Speech errors & wrong words, e.g. ‘more the better’: rather than ‘more the merrier’ [confused with ‘sooner the better’]
* Forgetfulness (attention, short term)
* Severe anxiety – something I’d never suffered from at all.

Below is the mapping of the stages I’d been through, in order to help my GP and a Lyme Disease specialist make sense of what was going on. For anyone dealing with chronic illness I’d recommend doing this. Helps clarify things for you, those close to you and any medical professional you may see.

The Battle with the Medical Profession

My major problem was that I didn’t remember being bitten by a tick – apparently between 50-60% of Lyme Disease sufferers are the same. Neither did I have the classic ‘bullseye rash’ that can be a key early indicator. Basically if not identified quickly you are at risk of the disease taking a real hold in your system rather than being able to be treated and rid of it within 4 weeks maximum. Ticks can be so small they’re notoriously difficult to spot.

This fantastic “Ticks” video re. Lyme Disease by the British Mountaineering Council explains a lot.

Luckily my GP was absolutely brilliant. Always open-minded and genuinely listening to what I explained to him. Totally understood my concerns at every step of the way. I consider myself incredibly fortunate in this respect and later sent a letter to him and the practice thanking them for their continued high level of care.

With in excess of 20 blood tests, x-rays, scans etc. I was tested for everything, from minor ailments to life-threatening conditions. Luckily nothing concrete showed up. Yet the perverse paradox was that I was desperate for them to find something so I’d know for definite what I was dealing with. I sincerely hope that doesn’t offend anyone who has been diagnosed with a serious condition.

Sadly I couldn’t be as positive about the infectious diseases specialist team I saw. The registrar proceeded to work through a very prescriptive form to discover my symptoms – dismissively waving away my offer to show her the above mapping of symptoms. Crucially, she refused to believe that Lyme Disease was a risk in the UK! Myself and relatives found this astounding given the research we had done online (and I was fully aware of the risks of internet diagnosis).  Both the registrar and consultant I was later to see made major errors in noting my symptoms. Worst of all, they suggested this was all viral and that I was to come off the medication. Working with the GP I was to prove this to be incorrect. We also think it very likely I was bitten by a tick when running off-road in the Lakes, Finland or the Med. So it’s often insect repellent and/or running tights now!

I was in a situation of being prescribed medication based on Lyme Disease, with my full understanding that I hadn’t been 100% diagnosed with this. The one thing we did know for certain was that I was responding positively to Doxycycline of 200Mg 2x/day.

On finding a Lyme Disease specialist, he reassured me that is was definitely not viral, nor was it in my mind. He had the confidence to ask me to “tell your story” and listened intently. He explained how difficult Lyme Disease is to diagnose – as experienced by many sufferers including Avril Lavigne recently.  For example, in my case the Elisa test results suggested Lyme Disease yet the Lyme immunoblot was not conclusive. Ultimately he recommended I continue with my antibiotic treatments and seek holistic therapies such as Kinesiology and Reiki. Anything that would help body recover and potentially reboot my immune system.

On the recommendation of a very dear friend – herself suffering with chronic illness – I saw a Kinesiology practitioner, Julie Elder of Totally Holistic Health. As well as helping immensely with physical symptoms, she taught me a lot about diet which, although very healthy anyway, could further benefit from more raw food and less refined ingredients. Hence ultimately my mix of food and running on this blog!

A Battle of the Mind

Work were absolutely brilliant, putting no pressure on me – in fact actively seeking to take it off.  However, anxiety was the devil on my shoulder. I eventually returned to work late August 2013 and was extremely apprehensive for no rational reason. It was also a huge physical effort to walk about 300 metres to the building from where I’d parked. For someone active all his life this was very hard to take.

So it was a case of very supportive colleagues and encouraging me to “just do what you can”.  A key lesson I’d pass onto anyone is to openly communicate with key colleagues. If you’re lucky like I was/am, they will support you. I’m proud to say I did not miss any key work commitments since returning – and still haven’t.

By early 2014, my GP had diagnosed me with depression, triggered by the chronic illness. He reassured me he’d have been very surprised had I not been depressed such was the extent of my chronic illness. Treatment for this was the lowest dose of Fluoxetine. Despite everything I knew and understood about depression, I still felt a sense of shame. It’s still something I’ve only discussed with a handful of people. We really ought to reconfigure how this is perceived. For me, the brain is an organ so it would help to start calling conditions of this nature “brain illness” rather than “mental illness” and the various negative connotations that has.

Thankfully I’ve been able to deal with the anxiety no matter how severe. On one memorable – and in a way funny – occasion, I had an incredibly strong urge to bolt out of work! On my way to delivering a presentation the devil on my shoulder was telling me “You’re crap! You can’t do this, just run!” Thankfully I resisted the urge and smiled on entering the room and continued apparently as normal

It was very tough too not being able to train with club members. A scouser, I’d been heartily adopted by Rochdale Harriers   So for the 12-15 months I couldn’t exercise, it was of immense help to just go down, watch training sessions and chat to people. Without that network I’m convinced I may not have returned to running.

Lastly, I found myself questioning everything… am I imagining this? Are those close to me frustrated? Do people believe me?

Giving very mixed messages

Now massively improved thanks to continued use of very strong antibiotics, things continue to be on an upward trajectory overall. This is why I’m acutely aware of giving very mixed signals to people. Like so many of us, I’ll smile and try to be positive, even if inside physically/brain-wise I’m feeling like absolute shit. In total I’ve been living the vast majority of nearly 700 days feeling like I have genuine flu. However I’ve learned to ignore it in many respects. Improvement is not linear, it’s very much up and down from one day or week to the next.

I’m very conscious of giving mixed messages. Family, friends, colleagues increasingly see me as getting better which is brilliant. Particularly when they see pics and stories of me #trailrunning the likes of Hawkshead, Staveley, Coniston etc.

I learned to enjoy running and any form of exercise for what it is – an opportunity to feel alive… the wind in your hair, the rain on your face… Running in particular seems to clear my head by allowing me to just be in the moment – cheesy as that sounds! The first time back was a very simple 1km run. I’ll never forget the joy of just trotting along outside for the first time in about 15 months, some light rain on my face and massive smile

Anything involving full concentration continues to take it’s toll on me. So PhD reading and writing has had to go on hold for almost 2 years now! Previously earmarked for promotion on several occasions this has had a direct impact on my career. But I know that won’t be forever and I’ll deal with what I can control.

I regularly deal with internal conflict. E.g. feeling good, then feeling awful; promotion being extremely important one day, far less so the next; content not to study, frustrated at my inability to complete PhD, active one week, not the next. For this I’ve found The Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters invaluable.

I know dips are inevitable and will continue to be so for up to another 2 years – possibly permanently. Medication is likely to continue for at least another 3 months, taking it to over 24 months in total and incorporating my imminent consultation with a specialist in Belgium early July 2015.

Taking the Positives from all of this

✓ All of this has helped me even more acutely recognise how important it is to live life and grasp it with both hands. Family and friends have done everything they can, either being a sounding board, listening to my [ahem] occasional whinging, cookery suggestions etc.

✓ I know people care about me and trust they know that is mutual. My network is not huge but it’s quality. For example, Ben ran Hawkshead and encouraged me constantly. For that I was eternally grateful!

✓ Running club mates have been an absolute inspiration to me. From those who simply encouraged me back, to those that accomplished amazing things, plus others who have cajoled me along during training or a race – you all know who you are Interviewees on this RunEatRepeat.co.uk blog have incredible tales of their own to tell.

✓ Close family, friends, people I interact with every day through my work – all continue to be a source of energy and inspiration.

✓ I’ve learned not to be so hard on myself – something so many of us are guilty of.

This has not beaten me and will not beat you! 

So that appears to be the end of this unedited story. Apologies for any waffle and the length of my diatribe.

If you are struggling with Lyme Disease – either suspected or diagnosed, these pages may help:

• Borreliosis and Associated Diseases Awareness UK
• Centre for Disease Control and Prevention

As I said at the very beginning, I hope this helps anyone who may be suffering with any chronic illness. Take each day at a time and don’t be too hard on yourself

Jeff