That was the question posed by a running club mate as we both recovered from a chip-timed track 5k.

What he was getting at, in joking obviously, was the pain. You know you’re going to go through it. You know it will hit you and your brain will tell you “Stop!”. You know if you’re trying, you’ll endure self-inflicted pain.

When you push yourself, in either training or during an event/race, you go through this. Anyone doing any kind of endurance sport knows it. So why bother?

Well for a start, there are the endorphins on finishing. As GB ultra runner, Robbie Britton says: “…your short-term memory plays tricks on you. After your legs stop hurting…you only remember the elation.” That feeling of elation, in body and mind, after you have completed a session…it’s the great thing about any strenuous exercise.

pic by @bobotheeklown

Then there is the runners high. In his ground-breaking book “Born To Run”, Chris McDougall describes how the natural engaging of body and mind, causes our brain to release endorphins to such an extent that a feeling of extreme euphoria can be experienced for anything from a nanosecond to a few minutes. It’s as if you’re floating, effortlessly  running in an other-worldly manner. Everything seems easy and you are so intensely in the moment, totally immersed in your activity. You feel nothing of the pain, no pounding of the feet, no gasping of breath. Just. Pure. Joy.

Obviously that doesn’t last and the pain, self-doubt, nagging voice etc etc all kick in again. But that’s all part of it. You also know the feeling of elation at the end. That may be in achieving your furthest ever run, completing your first parkrun, running with mates.

So put your shoes on, smile at the world and head out of your front door. There’s joy to be had on those trails

Have you achieved the runners high? What pain do you put yourself through?

Join me on the #Run1000Miles challenge with the Trail Running magazine Facebook community. You’ll be amazed at what can be achieved.

Yours in sport
Jeff

No sooner had the trail of destruction begun, there was everybody sharing the events and calling for people to help by showing their love – as this image from Andy McKay perfectly sums up.

pic by Andy McKay

Independent businesses & community spirit
Cumbria is home to so many small independent businesses. Their ethos is embodied with inherent community spirit. Think of the amazing eateries, artisan bakers, craft breweries, running communities, art shops, book shops, small hotels, chocolatiers, b&b… so so much. I make no apologies for the cliché that they always pull together in adversity. That’s just one of the reasons why I’d one day love to live in the Lakes.

Below are just a very small selection of the destruction around Ullswater alone.

pic by Catstycam

pic by beyond imagination

pic by catstycam

This video from Catstycam gives a small indication of the damage to Pooley Bridge.

While this from David Jackson shows the sheer force of the water coming through Glenridding.

What Can You Do?
Simply show your support however you want That might be sending a message via Twitter, visiting for the day or booking an event for 2016. Me? Well I was already booked on the UT55 next July. I’ve also booked on Lakeland Trails Hawkshead and Kentmere. But what I also intend to do is buy more from the Cumbrian organisations online. And to encourage more friends to try out this magnificent part of the world. Also to stay over more when I do visit. And I’ll definitely book my very favourite trail run: Keswick 15k. As you can see below, it’s very likely the route will be different due to bridge damage – what we can guarantee is a truly special day for all participants and those involved

pics courtesy Lakeland Trails (top) and Tara Vallante (bottom)

Here’s to more amazing adventures on the trails 2016! And I’ll be sailing on one of these beautiful Ullswater Steamers come Nov 2016

2 pics immediately above by Ullswater Steamers

Leaving Ullswater, heading to Howtown

All the best!

Jeff

For the first time I was being regarded as a #trailrunning veteran – what with Ben having done Hawkshead only – and it being virgin territory for Dan and Simon. By coincidence, Helvellyn had been my first ever trail run and had got me well and truly hooked!

Ben and I had sincerely promised each other we’d jog and walk around due to serious hip concern and ITB injury respectively. The night before, our Facebook feeds showed many friends who know us well were convinced we’d end up legging it around. Giving into adrenaline etc. Part of me wanted to do that but knew it would mean risking longer-term injury.

Weather on the drive up had been well and truly awful. Bucketing down so badly there were times when road visibility was quite dangerous. I quickly caught up with Event Director, Graham Patten, Pete Lashley and Mark M-H aka GBStick11.  And just before the start the sun broke through, to make what was to be a cracking day even brighter

At the sound of the klaxon, we soon headed out of Glenridding. Ensuring we did actually trot out it felt great to be looking forward to a run to simply take in the scenery and not for one second worry about pace or time.  This was Ben’s swansong after all so we wanted to embrace it (if not each other!). A muddy, mucky affair it was difficult to keep our feet.  At times we were practically surfing downhill! Fantastic stuff!

We let Dan stride off effortlessly into the distance – he was in good nick so myself and Ben were only holding him back. Simon on the other hand was really struggling due to the rain and relatively mild weather – his glasses becoming useless in the conditions, so making foot placement very dodgy! We waited for him near the switchback before the bog. The marshal kindly took this pic of us having a rest

To me the whole day really embodied the joys of running socially. We helped bring Simon to the finish and thoroughly enjoyed chatting throughout. The weather didn’t once dampen the atmosphere of another great day on the trails. Afterwards it was a case of grabbing some fab fuel food from the stall holders, before retiring to a warm Glenridding pub to enjoy a soft drink…

Finally, a quick thank you…

The number of people who took a moment to introduce themselves to me and complement me on this blog was a lovely surprise. It’s a real bonus and does mean a lot that fellow runners find your blog writing and interviews informative, entertaining and really interesting. I’m honestly very grateful

Dan is now really keen on more Lakeland Trails events for 2016. I’ll defo be joining him! But maybe competing next time  

All pics by Ben Keegan, except official course photography.

Having missed out on the last two Lakeland Trails events (Keswick and Coniston), I felt very frustrated at my ongoing struggle with #LymeDisease and the inevitable ups and downs my body goes through. In the middle of these two events was a Brussels trip to see the specialist who has amended my medication treatment plan slightly. Overall it is proving very successful but I have to remember to be very patient as it’s a long-term process.

Mindset

At times like this it’s important to keep thinking positively. Focusing on the benefits and underlying joy of something, helps prevent you wallowing in negativity and self-pity. I can’t deny I’ve been guilty of the latter on occasions because of what this has cost me (in family time, missed events, financially etc.). But then, many people close to me are much worse off. Also, those who care have unquestioningly offered support of some shape or form – all of which I’m immensely grateful for. So I try to look at the bigger picture and appreciate my quality of life.

Why Do I Run Then?

For many reasons. Mostly it is because of the lift exercise gives me and, in my opinion, running is the most natural form of exercise. I was a decent runner during secondary school, a fast sprinter and always in the top 3 at 800m & 1500m. Cross country I especially loved at school. Thinking back, it seems it’s the exhilaration of running as fast as I could over whatever distance, the outdoors, and in particular the connection with woodland, hills, in all weathers – and the added incentive of competing!

You can’t beat exercising in the fresh air – in all weathers! Whether it’s a beautifully bright and fresh autumn day, a nighttime ‘bat’ run, snowbound or lashing it down. Nothing beats the feeling you’re out there doing it

Sometimes it’s only possible to run in solitude. My mind will gradually drift from thinking about daily things, to running form, to absolutely nothing – a great state to arrive at. I vividly remember running on Pennine Moors and the only sounds I could hear were my [ahem] light foot strike, rustling wind, ground-nesting birds. Looking up at a flock of geese caused me to stumble off a fell single track and giggle at my amateurish slip.

Clearly fitness is a massive benefit. Fitness of the brain, the core, organs and so on. In my late twenties, career meant less time keeping fit. Having a young family from my thirties continued this trend. However, having had a Discectomy when 31, I was told the best way to prevent further issues was to rebuild and maintain my fitness.  It was in my mid-thirties that I entered my first trail run – the Helvellyn Lakeland Trails 15km. I’d entered due to working with the sponsoring brand and a runner friend encouraging me to commit. Totally unaware and unprepared for the course profile and terrain I cacked myself 2 weeks before. But I was advised to run to my own rhythm with a smile and I’d get through it. I was totally hooked!

For me, it was all about the people. The ability of elite runners simply astounded me – with their capacity to simply glide over challenging terrain and ‘sprint’ major climbs. But more so was the range of shapes, sizes and ages of fellow runners. Two instances of inspiration in particular stick in my mind:

1) The 60+ vet who encouraged me to keep going despite cramp in my calf as we crested the Hawkshead Coffin Trail. If he could keep going, so could I.

2) The middle-aged lady at the back of a ParkRun field, determined to complete 5km while recovering from surgery. Incredible

These examples of indefatigable spirit sum up running for me. The joy of the challenge, the ability to overcome the demons that tell you you can’t carry on, the mind’s ability to forget the pain and go again. At pretty much every event I’ve ever been to, the atmosphere created by volunteers, family, friends and locals there to cheer on runners, stall holders at the event village, elderly runners sharing their experiences, all form part of a tremendous community. I’ve met amazing people through this sport and will continue to for many years to come I’m sure.

I am definitely competitive, though running has increasingly become about doing the very best I can. So yes I do try to bridge the gap to the runner in front. And I will be as keen as anyone to maintain my lead over someone else. But that is more about using other people to help me do my very best and potentially improve on my last run in some way.

And the views – oh the views of #trailrunning! Especially places like the Lakes, Pennines, local woods

And that links to the final reason I run (that I can think of today anyway!)… Exploring new places. Through running events and off-road trails with friends, I’ve discovered places I didn’t even know existed. Opening up new boundaries is simply an amazing feeling

Below is a small selection of images that convey my joy of running. Hope they bring a smile to your face

pic by Kay @runforfun82

Jeff

Numerous runners, family, friends have asked me to share my story of dealing with Lyme Disease. I’ve initially been reticent for a number of reasons, not least it being so very personal, a mental and physical battle. Mostly that it might come across as ‘woe is me’ and that’s not the kind of person I am or strive to be.

But persuade they did. I hope this helps family, friends, colleagues and those in my wider professional and running network understand the complexities of recovery.

More than anything, that it provides some useful insight and potentially comfort for anyone else with Lyme Disease or chronic illness.

So how did this all start? Well I’d always been very active, both physically and professionally. I’d run my own business for almost 7 years, switched career, got to 2/3 of the way through a part time PhD, joined a running club, bought my first new road bike… However I noticed that I had started to become ill on a cyclical basis. Having very rarely ever had time off with illness through my career, my periods of struggling into work began to take their toll. My system eventually completely crashed in May 2013.

It was only then and through having to provide my GP with the details that I was able to look back and identify the pattern of symptoms. Over a period of 15-18 months, I’d been going through cycles of feeling very rough indeed every 12 weeks or so. And I’m not just talking ‘man flu’ here, it was a genuine struggle to do anything. Thankfully I love my job so I was able to cope with the positive pressure that puts on me. The most noticeable symptom was that every 6 weeks I’d get these superficial nodules in my armpits and occasionally near my pubic area (nice!). For a long time I’d assumed these were spider bites or something but in hindsight I was able to identify that they appeared every 6 weeks almost to the day! That’s when I knew there was something more to this.

Progressively it got worse and two key incidents made this obvious to me:

(i) On the day of a relay with the Harriers, I woke to find my legs feeling like lead. I put this down to pre-race nerves. However during the run I was slightly slower than I’d expected to be and was genuinely drained on getting home – thanks to Chris, Jack, Nick we finished 3rd;

(ii) A week or so later I almost passed out having completed a relatively straightforward 5km race. I’ve never fainted before and intuitively felt something was wrong.

Very early June that was it…I became bed-ridden for initially 10 days and slept almost constantly for 3 days. Family were obviously very worried. They made me drink fluids and eat what I could. Despite this I lost almost 14lbs (6.5kg) within 3 weeks! (Remember I’d been very healthy so didn’t really have much spare fat – well okay a little bit!)

These are some of the main symptoms – which you can see are complex and varied:

Physical:

* Extreme fatigue
* Intense headaches – particularly frontal
* Joint pain
* Muscle pain
* Kidney pain
* Nodules on skin
* Chest rash cyclically
* Waxy skin complexion and occasionally grey tone
* Floaters (in the eyes!)
* Immune system very low indeed. Susceptible to almost any ailment – typically manifests itself with flaring up of my own symptoms.
* Totally unable to control body temperature
* Night sweats
* Sleep very fractured sleep now since June 2013
* Then excessive night time sleep
* Excessive bladder usage – e.g. urinating up to 4x a night
* Mixed bowel movements – seems to be regularly, then 3-4 times p/day
* Occasional loss of libido [ho hum]
* Sore feet (soles)

Neurological:

* Confusion / difficulty finding words and communicating
* Speech errors & wrong words, e.g. ‘more the better’: rather than ‘more the merrier’ [confused with ‘sooner the better’]
* Forgetfulness (attention, short term)
* Severe anxiety – something I’d never suffered from at all.

Below is the mapping of the stages I’d been through, in order to help my GP and a Lyme Disease specialist make sense of what was going on. For anyone dealing with chronic illness I’d recommend doing this. Helps clarify things for you, those close to you and any medical professional you may see.

The Battle with the Medical Profession

My major problem was that I didn’t remember being bitten by a tick – apparently between 50-60% of Lyme Disease sufferers are the same. Neither did I have the classic ‘bullseye rash’ that can be a key early indicator. Basically if not identified quickly you are at risk of the disease taking a real hold in your system rather than being able to be treated and rid of it within 4 weeks maximum. Ticks can be so small they’re notoriously difficult to spot.

This fantastic “Ticks” video re. Lyme Disease by the British Mountaineering Council explains a lot.

Luckily my GP was absolutely brilliant. Always open-minded and genuinely listening to what I explained to him. Totally understood my concerns at every step of the way. I consider myself incredibly fortunate in this respect and later sent a letter to him and the practice thanking them for their continued high level of care.

With in excess of 20 blood tests, x-rays, scans etc. I was tested for everything, from minor ailments to life-threatening conditions. Luckily nothing concrete showed up. Yet the perverse paradox was that I was desperate for them to find something so I’d know for definite what I was dealing with. I sincerely hope that doesn’t offend anyone who has been diagnosed with a serious condition.

Sadly I couldn’t be as positive about the infectious diseases specialist team I saw. The registrar proceeded to work through a very prescriptive form to discover my symptoms – dismissively waving away my offer to show her the above mapping of symptoms. Crucially, she refused to believe that Lyme Disease was a risk in the UK! Myself and relatives found this astounding given the research we had done online (and I was fully aware of the risks of internet diagnosis).  Both the registrar and consultant I was later to see made major errors in noting my symptoms. Worst of all, they suggested this was all viral and that I was to come off the medication. Working with the GP I was to prove this to be incorrect. We also think it very likely I was bitten by a tick when running off-road in the Lakes, Finland or the Med. So it’s often insect repellent and/or running tights now!

I was in a situation of being prescribed medication based on Lyme Disease, with my full understanding that I hadn’t been 100% diagnosed with this. The one thing we did know for certain was that I was responding positively to Doxycycline of 200Mg 2x/day.

On finding a Lyme Disease specialist, he reassured me that is was definitely not viral, nor was it in my mind. He had the confidence to ask me to “tell your story” and listened intently. He explained how difficult Lyme Disease is to diagnose – as experienced by many sufferers including Avril Lavigne recently.  For example, in my case the Elisa test results suggested Lyme Disease yet the Lyme immunoblot was not conclusive. Ultimately he recommended I continue with my antibiotic treatments and seek holistic therapies such as Kinesiology and Reiki. Anything that would help body recover and potentially reboot my immune system.

On the recommendation of a very dear friend – herself suffering with chronic illness – I saw a Kinesiology practitioner, Julie Elder of Totally Holistic Health. As well as helping immensely with physical symptoms, she taught me a lot about diet which, although very healthy anyway, could further benefit from more raw food and less refined ingredients. Hence ultimately my mix of food and running on this blog!

A Battle of the Mind

Work were absolutely brilliant, putting no pressure on me – in fact actively seeking to take it off.  However, anxiety was the devil on my shoulder. I eventually returned to work late August 2013 and was extremely apprehensive for no rational reason. It was also a huge physical effort to walk about 300 metres to the building from where I’d parked. For someone active all his life this was very hard to take.

So it was a case of very supportive colleagues and encouraging me to “just do what you can”.  A key lesson I’d pass onto anyone is to openly communicate with key colleagues. If you’re lucky like I was/am, they will support you. I’m proud to say I did not miss any key work commitments since returning – and still haven’t.

By early 2014, my GP had diagnosed me with depression, triggered by the chronic illness. He reassured me he’d have been very surprised had I not been depressed such was the extent of my chronic illness. Treatment for this was the lowest dose of Fluoxetine. Despite everything I knew and understood about depression, I still felt a sense of shame. It’s still something I’ve only discussed with a handful of people. We really ought to reconfigure how this is perceived. For me, the brain is an organ so it would help to start calling conditions of this nature “brain illness” rather than “mental illness” and the various negative connotations that has.

Thankfully I’ve been able to deal with the anxiety no matter how severe. On one memorable – and in a way funny – occasion, I had an incredibly strong urge to bolt out of work! On my way to delivering a presentation the devil on my shoulder was telling me “You’re crap! You can’t do this, just run!” Thankfully I resisted the urge and smiled on entering the room and continued apparently as normal

It was very tough too not being able to train with club members. A scouser, I’d been heartily adopted by Rochdale Harriers   So for the 12-15 months I couldn’t exercise, it was of immense help to just go down, watch training sessions and chat to people. Without that network I’m convinced I may not have returned to running.

Lastly, I found myself questioning everything… am I imagining this? Are those close to me frustrated? Do people believe me?

Giving very mixed messages

Now massively improved thanks to continued use of very strong antibiotics, things continue to be on an upward trajectory overall. This is why I’m acutely aware of giving very mixed signals to people. Like so many of us, I’ll smile and try to be positive, even if inside physically/brain-wise I’m feeling like absolute shit. In total I’ve been living the vast majority of nearly 700 days feeling like I have genuine flu. However I’ve learned to ignore it in many respects. Improvement is not linear, it’s very much up and down from one day or week to the next.

I’m very conscious of giving mixed messages. Family, friends, colleagues increasingly see me as getting better which is brilliant. Particularly when they see pics and stories of me #trailrunning the likes of Hawkshead, Staveley, Coniston etc.

I learned to enjoy running and any form of exercise for what it is – an opportunity to feel alive… the wind in your hair, the rain on your face… Running in particular seems to clear my head by allowing me to just be in the moment – cheesy as that sounds! The first time back was a very simple 1km run. I’ll never forget the joy of just trotting along outside for the first time in about 15 months, some light rain on my face and massive smile

Anything involving full concentration continues to take it’s toll on me. So PhD reading and writing has had to go on hold for almost 2 years now! Previously earmarked for promotion on several occasions this has had a direct impact on my career. But I know that won’t be forever and I’ll deal with what I can control.

I regularly deal with internal conflict. E.g. feeling good, then feeling awful; promotion being extremely important one day, far less so the next; content not to study, frustrated at my inability to complete PhD, active one week, not the next. For this I’ve found The Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters invaluable.

I know dips are inevitable and will continue to be so for up to another 2 years – possibly permanently. Medication is likely to continue for at least another 3 months, taking it to over 24 months in total and incorporating my imminent consultation with a specialist in Belgium early July 2015.

Taking the Positives from all of this

✓ All of this has helped me even more acutely recognise how important it is to live life and grasp it with both hands. Family and friends have done everything they can, either being a sounding board, listening to my [ahem] occasional whinging, cookery suggestions etc.

✓ I know people care about me and trust they know that is mutual. My network is not huge but it’s quality. For example, Ben ran Hawkshead and encouraged me constantly. For that I was eternally grateful!

✓ Running club mates have been an absolute inspiration to me. From those who simply encouraged me back, to those that accomplished amazing things, plus others who have cajoled me along during training or a race – you all know who you are Interviewees on this RunEatRepeat.co.uk blog have incredible tales of their own to tell.

✓ Close family, friends, people I interact with every day through my work – all continue to be a source of energy and inspiration.

✓ I’ve learned not to be so hard on myself – something so many of us are guilty of.

This has not beaten me and will not beat you! 

So that appears to be the end of this unedited story. Apologies for any waffle and the length of my diatribe.

If you are struggling with Lyme Disease – either suspected or diagnosed, these pages may help:

• Borreliosis and Associated Diseases Awareness UK
• Centre for Disease Control and Prevention

As I said at the very beginning, I hope this helps anyone who may be suffering with any chronic illness. Take each day at a time and don’t be too hard on yourself

Jeff

The omens were good. Ben Keegan was joining me. The sun was beaming. And we had a record number of entrants, all eagerly anticipating a cracking day. And it didn’t disappoint!

Boom Dang Samba Drumming Band got us all in the mood as we readied for the off. Have to admit to a real mix of joy, nervousness and running pure excitement at being back on the start line after 2 years. Ben was a little nervous too, this being his first ever trail run. Countdown from 10 and we were off! A short route out of Hawkshead village and we were already on the climb up into the woods where conifers loom all around you. Stunning scenery!

Then you’re simply into your rhythm, keeping going uphill, remembering posture to increase oxygen intake as your thighs and calfs begin to complain.

As For always the effort of climbing over 200m in roughly 4km was worth it. The views as you emerge from the forest trail are a pure joy to behold. I couldn’t help but spread my arms with the sheer exhilaration of doing this again!

Contrasting from the heat of the forest track came a lovely refreshing breeze of as we topped Bible out. Legs recovering, pushing on, soft underfoot – we really felt we were running free at this point.

As we continued over plush pastures, we undulated for about 1km and the ‘smile’ sign reminded us to switch from a grimace as the course photographer captured us both with the Tarns and Langdales cheap jerseys in the background.

It was almost all downhill into Far Sawrey where we gratefully threw some water down our necks and over our heads. Then we were slogging up the farm track that switches back north towards Lake Windermere. At 8km the uneven, rutted trail here has always been one of my favourite parts of the course because you can really go for it, totally focused on your step over tree roots, rock, mud, as you pelt down towards the shoreline of Lake Windermere.

We were then enjoying the speed and tranquility of trail running through Heald Wood, the shoreline of the Lake to our right. You can really pick some speed up here if you want – or simply let your legs recover a little, in preparation for the infamous coffin trail!

Onwards to the 14km drink station, we took a very short pause to throw some more water down us – a welcome cool down. Not so welcome was the first lady disappearing up the coffin trail leaving us in her wake! The coffin trail is 1 solid mile cheap jerseys of over 250m elevation – brutal! Very rough ground too. That’s the pleasure again of trail running varied terrain. You know it’s going to be worth it.

I have to admit to slowing to a [ahem] brisk walk at this point. The fact I found the breath to chat to another runner suggested I was easing off a little to recover

Topping out for the third time on the day we gave it everything, letting gravity do Cabu its job of taking us down at top speed. Ben got 100m away Jill from me at this point and I never quite got that back!

After we crossed the showground and tarmac, we gave the final push into the Hawkshead Recreation Ground for a strong finish – well cheap nfl jerseys there was a crowd! The noise and atmosphere created by everyone at the event really made the finish enjoyable. I was beat but beaming!  I demolished a moroccan tagine and coffee, before going for the full monty with a hog roast and trimmings. Ben went straight for the cider!

So it was a case of kicking back in the sun, my sunburned head catching more rays, lapping up the atmosphere of the Apres Trail Party and singer/songwriter Pete Lashley.  Just as awesome was race director Graham Patten, coming over to say welcome back – did I mention I’d been away for 2 years?  This excellent footage by Graham sums up the spirit of the day, the views, the #trailrunning community.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/u4wHzHD0VyY?version=3&rel=1&fs=1&autohide=2&showsearch=0&showinfo=1&iv_load_policy=1&wmode=transparent

A massive thank you to all marshalls, volunteers, Coniston Mountain Rescue – without who these events wouldn’t be the success they are. Staveley 17km Lakeland trail run next!

Just one word:   Awesome!